Return of the Cold Dynasty
by KamikazePyro
Summary: The Cold family has returned with a vengeance.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: _Just something whacky I decided to write last year. This is the only chapter that isn't new. The rest have/are being written day by day now, while this one is the only one written last year. I didn't originally plan on extending this, but things change, so enjoy and please leave a review!_**

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Twenty-five years had passed since the destructive artificial creation of Dr. Gero, Cell, was killed by the collective efforts of Son Goku, Son Gohan, and Vegeta. Peace was restored to the planet, and the population prospered once more. The Zet Senshi went their separate ways – Yamcha moved in with Bulma and started working for Capsule Corporation, which he excelled at; Tenshinhan and Chaozu grew apart and eventually Chaozu killed Tenshinhan in his sleep; Krillin and #18 got married, and were #18 was scheduled to have twins, but one of the babies died in the womb when the other kicked its head off; Piccolo went to live on New Namek after realizing he had been neglecting his Namekian ancestry; Vegeta left Earth to start a new Saiyan empire, leaving Bulma to care for Trunks all alone, not that she wasn't used to it; Son Goku and Son Gohan continued their training, although Gohan entered high school after Chi-Chi died of obesity and nobody cared to wish her back.

"Gohan, it's time to do the laundry!" shouted Goku, standing in front of the clothes rack with a dumbfounded look on his face. "I never remember how to do this. I wish Chi-Chi had written down the directions."

Gohan flew onto the scene, landing next to his father. He'd gotten shorter over the years, mainly due to malnutrition since he never learned to catch his own food and Goku was too lazy to do it. His hair had begun receding and his cheeks sagged like a turkey's butt. He stared at the clothes rack, thinking hard about his next move.

"Dad, I think we should wish Mom back to life so she can do this for us," Gohan suggested, crossing his arms.

Goku immediately turned Super Saiyan and roundhouse kicked his son's head off. He blasted the pieces to ashes and said, "Don't ever say such an evil thing in my presence, you bastard!"

Suddenly, a pink beam of chi buzzed past his head. He turned to see Freeza, King Cold, and Cooler a few yards away from him with evil grins on their faces.

"Long time no see, monkey," Freeza said.

Shocked, Goku got into a defensive stance, readying himself for the inevitable fight. "You three! I thought I got rid of you for good years ago! How did you come back?"

Cooler raised his index finger. "It's really quite complicated, so I'll dumb it down for your tiny monkey brain. We killed King Enma and escaped Hell."

_How did I not sense them coming?_ Goku thought, gritting his pearly white teeth. _They killed Enma!_"I'll never forgive you for what you did! I'll destroy you and send you right back to Hell, and I'll make sure you never get out again!"

"Temper, temper!" King Cold teased, stepping in front of his sons. "I don't think we'll be the ones going to Hell this time. We've gotten stronger. Even by myself, I'm sure I could handle you."

"We'll see about that!"

Goku gave a battle cry as he charged toward them. They all stood nonchalantly still as he went at them with vicious kicks and punches. When he was finished, he backed off and observed the damage he'd done.

"What?!" was all he could shriek.

None of them had even a scratch on their bodies. It was as if he hadn't attacked them.

Cold smirked. "Stop fooling around, Goku. Or was that really your best?"

The Saiyan seethed, blazing his aura fiercely. "I'll show you my best!" He crouched, cupping his hands to his side. "Ka…!"

"Uh-oh! We better not get hit by that or we could die!" Freeza cackled, obviously unafraid of Goku's impending attack.

"Me…!"

Cooler crossed his chest and turned his back. "I'll handle this one, if you don't mind."

"Ha…!"

Cold nodded. "Go ahead, Cooler. You always were the best in our clan defensively."

"Meeee…! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Fueled by rage, a gigantic beam of blue chi shot forth from Goku's palms, jettisoning toward the Cold family. Freeza and King Cold stepped back behind Cooler, who still had his back turned. The beam got closer and closer, the extreme heat it produced singing the ground beneath it. It was going to be the end of the evil mass murderers.

Cooler whipped it away with a quick swipe of his tail.

Shocked to his core at how powerful his enemies had become, Goku fell to his knees, his eyes wide, his mouth agape, and cold sweat sliding down his cheeks. He reverted to his normal state as Cooler faced him. They're too powerful…but how?

"If it makes you feel any better, that was merely a quarter of my true, terrifying power," Cooler touted, his lips curling at the ends into a wicked smile.

"Do you see how futile it is to keep fighting now, monkey?" Freeza asked, snickering.

King Cold stepped over to Goku, picking him up by his shirt. "Don't expect your friends to help either. The Namekian? We blew him up with his entire planet. That traitor Vegeta? Blown to bits. Those pathetic humans that tagged along with you? They were easier to kill than a bunch of Arlians."

"But I won't be!"

Before Cold could turn his head, a small human foot slammed into it, snapping it back so hard his spine snapped, killing him instantly. His body fell to the ground in a slump. Levitating above him was none other than Bulma Briefs, fully clothed in Saiyan battle armor that Vegeta had left over. She didn't waste time disposing of Freeza and Cooler, spin-kicking their bodies to dust in no time.

"Bulma? What—"

Goku's sentence was interrupted as she jabbed her hand through his chest, pushing his heart and lungs out the other side.

"That's payback for not being the biological father of Trunks."


	2. Chapter 2

Six days after being killed by the merciless Bulma, the martial arts master Goku awoke on King Kai's planet. He looked around, finding the bulbous blue alien towering above him.

"You're finally awake, Goku," said King Kai, lifting Goku to a sitting position. "I was beginning to worry."

"W-what happened, King Kai? The last I remember…" Goku began rubbing his stomach, not out of hunger, but out of lingering pain.

King Kai cleared his throat, turning away from Goku. "Well, you were killed by Bulma."

"Yeah, that's right…" He began remembering what had happened then. "Freeza and his family returned from Hell, and we fought. They were much stronger than me. I was about to be killed when…Bulma showed up and defeated them somehow. Then she killed me. I don't get it. How did Bulma get that powerful? And why did she kill me, King Kai?"

The blue alien started pacing. "What I'm about to tell you might be hard for you to understand, but I promise you, it's all true. Goku, you met Bulma when you were just a child. Do you remember why you two met?"

Goku looked up at the wandering clouds above, reminiscing about his childhood adventures. It had been more than half a century since he first met her. Things were a bit fuzzy. "She wanted the Dragon Balls, didn't she?"

"That's correct. Did you ever question why she wanted them? Remember, she was from a wealthy family, so riches would have been no issue for her. Her company had even created the first true age-defying formula, so even immortality wouldn't have been out of the question for her."

"I ain't good at puzzles. Just tell me."

"It's because—"

"Father!"

Goku and King Kai peered over to see Gohan descending from the sky, waving at them. He landed, happy to see his father again after what felt like years.

"Gohan, you're here! Let's go back to Earth and take down Bulma! I'm sure we can do it with your help, son!"

"You're not going without me," said Piccolo as he floating down to them.

"And us, too!" Krillin, Tenshinhan, and Yamcha also arrived, looking ready for a fight.

Goku rejoiced. "Excellent! Let's go kick some blue-haired ass!"

The group all put a hand on Goku's back, and he used his Instant Transmission to get them out of there.

"No, Goku! You can't! You don't know what you're up against! GOKUUUU!" King Kai shouted, but it was too late.


	3. Chapter 3

The group teleported to Capsule Corp, or what used to be the site of Capsule Corp. In its place was a twenty-story building surrounded by electric fencing and demon-filled moats. Armed guards and automatic sentry guns stood at various locations around the building. It was like an army base on high alert. It was nothing like the Capsule Corp they knew.

"What the hell happened to this place?" Tenshinhan questioned, looking at a pile of bodies being dumped into a trench. "They're killing innocent people! Goku, we have to stop this madness!"

"I know. Don't worry. If Bulma really is behind this, I'll personally kill her," Goku said, clapping his hands together. "We need a plan."

"A plan? Goku, you just teleported us from King Kai's place to Earth. Why can't you teleport us right to Bulma?"

"That's a good question," Goku responded. "Come on, guys. Let's go find Bulma. I can sense her chi. It's weak. Weird."

"Why is that weird?" asked Gohan. "Didn't she have a power level of 2 last time we sensed her?"

"She killed me."

A velociraptor pounced on Tenshinhan, pinning him to the ground. He wrestled with the dinosaur, but it appeared too strong for him. He fired a Shin Kikoho, but it merely bounced off the creature.

"Bitch, you and your futile, overpowered attacks."

The dinosaur barely finished its sentence before lunging at the human, piercing him through the heart with its long tail. Tenshinhan gasped loudly, spitting up green blood.

With his dying breath, the human cried out, "Why didn't you guys do anything to help me, you bastards?"

Krillin karate chopped the velociraptor. "That was easy."

The group made it past the security measures of the fortress formerly known as Capsule Corp with utter ease, assembling into what appeared to be the main lobby.

"Goku, you never answered my question from before," Krillin said, tugging on Goku's shirt.

The Saiyan knelt down so he was on Krillin's eye level. "Huh? What is it, little buddy?"

"How come you don't just teleport us straight to Bulma?"

Goku stood up quickly. "We've got trouble. This chi is familiar, and evil."

"Forget about it right now, Goku. Looks like Bulma was expecting us."

Standing a few meters away from them were Bulma's parents in full robotic outfits.

"Their power levels are a mystery. They're just like the androids now," Piccolo said, removing his weighted clothing and throwing them to the floor. He grunted.

"What is it, Piccolo?" Gohan asked.

"Usually my clothing is so heavy it breaks whatever surface it lands on, but this stuff doesn't even look like it was scratched."

"Performance issues, huh?" Krillin snickered.

Piccolo tried to backhand the human, but he was too slow and the human easily dodged his hit. He tried again to hit Krillin, but Bulma's mother intercepted his attack and ripped his hand off at the wrist. The Namekian snarled in pain but quickly regenerated a new hand. He engaged the mother in combat as the father attacked Gohan and Goku.

They fought for what seemed like half an hour before the good guys were forced to retreat back.

"What the heck? Those suits are incredibly tough!" Gohan shouted.

"We can't give up!" said Piccolo, regenerating his lower half. "But I'm at about half power now myself…"

Goku growled. "Even with Super Saiyan, I couldn't take them down. What the hell are those things made of? Bulma's really set a new standard. I bet even Cell would have trouble with these guys, and we surpassed him in strength years ago!"

"What are we gonna do now? I couldn't beat them and I'm even stronger than you, father!" Gohan cried.

"We just have to think of something! We ain't gonna lose!"

"It's a banana! Everybody, get down!" Krillin yelled.

A gigantic banana rolled into existence, headed straight for the Z-Team.

"IT'S POWER LEVEL IS OFF THE CHARTS!" Piccolo shrieked, bracing himself.

In an incredible show of strength, a purple and white being stepped in front of the banana, stopping it dead in its tracks. As the banana stopped, two thick purple energy beams shot into it, melting it down to nothingness. Three beings stood in front of the Z-Team, saviors and yet…evil.

"Hello, monkey."

"Freeza! You're the evil chi I felt earlier!" Goku noted, his eyeballs popping out of his head from shock.


	4. Chapter 4

The Saiyan messiah Goku shifted his focus from Freeza to Cooler to King Cold to Freeza again. He couldn't believe they were back yet again. How could they be? It must've had something to do with King Enma being dead. That's the only possible explanation he could think of. It didn't matter that much now, though, seeing as they were back and in the flesh. As evil as they were, they saved the Z-Team from a horrible death at the hands of Bananator T-800.

Cooler and Freeza knocked elbows, celebrating their awe-inspiring entrance and victory over an enemy that would've killed their arch nemesis Goku. King Cold chuckled slowly as he watched the Z-Team gawk at him and his family.

"What's the matter, monkey? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Freeza cackled at his own joke, as usual.

"Don't act too surprised, Goku," King Cold said, chewing on a piece of the destroyed banana. "With Enma dead – thanks to us, remember – there is no law in the afterlife. Everybody is free to mingle between Hell and Otherworld. Oh, trust me, a lot of Neanderthals wanted to come down here to Earth, but we told them this was our turf and, like good little doggies, they backed off."

"W-what about Pikkon? And Olibu?" Krillin asked as beads of sweat dropped from his chin to the tile floor.

"Who?" Cooler joked.

"Anyway, we sensed – with an emphasis on the word 'sensed' – that you were having a struggle here and decided to see what all the ruckus was. When we saw that you were having trouble with a pathetic piece of fruit, we thought we'd better step in. It's no fun getting revenge if your enemies are dead, after all." Cold smirked. He was enjoying the looks of displeasure on the faces of Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, Krillin, and Yamcha.

"As much as I fancy watching you all soil yourselves, I think we have a common enemy to dispose of," Cooler noted, pointing to Bulma's parents. "We saw your battle with them. How disgusting. You call yourselves a warrior race? Pitiful. We'll handle this miniscule threat. Ready, brother?"

Freeza smirked gleefully and nodded. "Of course. Let's show these ants how it's done."

"You tiny-dicked bitches!" Bulma's mother screamed, blasting off toward the group.

Yellow beams shot out of the arms of her suit, combining in the air and forming a razor triangle.

"We'll all die if that thing hits us!" Piccolo announced, bracing himself.

King Cold folded his arms and stepped off to the side.

With a huff, Freeza hopped onto the triangular object of energy, surfing on it as it headed toward the Zet Senshi. He laughed at their screams before flipping, his sturdy tail smashing the energy to little pieces of non-lethal shards that fell lifelessly to the ground.

"Hallelujah, cunt sacks!" said Bulma's father, launching off the ground toward Cooler. "Taste my zesty Chlamydia Soup Rocket!"

The rocket was released, speeding toward the icy being. Cooler simply stopped the rocket with his palm, clasping it in his hand and turning it in the opposite direction. The geezer squawked as he realized his own missile was about to him. He was hit and sent into a wall, but not surprisingly, managed to get up, Cooler flashing before the old man's visor, punching through it effortlessly and tugging the old man out brutally. Cooler turned, finding Mrs. Briefs attempting futilely to harm his brother, Freeza.

"I hope you have a thick head like Goku," he said, grinning deviously as he flew off toward the tussle.

The old man was used as a battering ram, being shoved into his wife. He crumpled and was crushed as he collided with the far superior suit.

Bulma's mother screeched, enraged at her husband's death. "Alright, that's it! Time to use 100% power! Grrrrruggghhhhrrrrrrssssshuh uuuuuhhhAAAAHHHHHH!" The suit turned red, steam rising from it.

With her robotic suit, the blond-haired woman proceeded to charge the Cold brothers, throwing fists faster than the Zet Senshi could see. Cooler and Freeza dodged each fist, snickering like little children who had just heard a naughty word. They were clearly not bothered by anything Mrs. Briefs was doing, including pulling out a tactical nuke. Cooler backhanded the nuke, the item being hit with so much force that it broke through the suit, landing firmly in the woman's stomach.

"What is it you earthlings like to say to the female species here?" Cooler thought for a moment, observing as the woman frantically tried to shake the nuke out of her suit, but she was confined within it. "Ah, yes, I remember now. Make me a sandwich, bitch."

With that, the nuke exploded, annihilating everything within a two hundred mile radius.

When the smoke cleared enough for bodies to be visible, the Cold family stood together just feet from the Zet Senshi.

"We're…alive!" Gohan said excitedly.

"But how? That bomb should've wiped us all out," Krillin wondered.

"You're alive because we wanted you to be," King Cold explained. "We put up a barrier at the last moment, effectively rendering that ridiculous whatever-you-call-it a failed assassination attempt. Honestly, what was that human thinking? She would've died regardless."

"Humans," Freeza laughed. "Almost as bad as Saiyans."

Cooler tweaked his head to the left. "It appears we weren't the only ones to survive that blast." He grumbled. "This one's got a high power level, almost as strong as us."

"Who is it?" Goku questioned. He could feel a feint chi, but it was too far to get a good read on it. The Cold family's ability to sense chi must've been more advanced than his somehow if they could tell how powerful it was and he couldn't. This fact amazed him. He could even admire it. To think, once his mortal enemies, without the ability to detect chi and so weak to the point of being irrelevant, now much stronger than him and with more advanced abilities. It was incredible.

"Is that…?" King Cold asked.

"Perhaps," Freeza said, turning in the direction of the chi.

BAM!

As soon as Freeza turned, a knee flew right into the back of his head, knocking him into a hole a mile deep. King Cold's eyes barely observed the attack before the same knee was planted firmly in his gut, bending him over. The assailant twisted, putting another knee into the horned giant's chin, hurling him into the sky.

Cooler was more prepared. His chi detection abilities were stronger than his brother's and father's, but even he could barely predict where this mystery opponent was going to be next. He clenched his fists, focusing on the trail of chi in the area.

"Found you!" he said, disappearing.

"What's going on?" Goku was at a loss. Things were escalating quickly. First he was outclassed by Bulma's parents in robotic suits, then a giant banana, then the Cold family, and now someone that may be even stronger than them. When would he get a break?

Cooler reappeared, spiraling from the sky. He recovered and landed on both feet, rubbing his gut. He took a breath before jumping out of the way of a red chi ball. The ball exploded on contact with the ground, producing a shockwave that pushed the Zet Senshi back several meters.

King Cold flew back into view, angered by the sneak attack. He noticed his son battling the attacker, chi blasts being spammed from both participants, creating giant explosions in the air not too far from him.

"I can't believe I'm doing this, but…" Krillin made his way over to Cold, coughing to get his attention. "Um, Mr. Cold, do you know who's fighting Cooler? We can't even track the battle, they're moving so fast."

Cold watched as Cooler was kicked back, but retaliated with a fist to the attacker's face. "It's—"

"A dead motherfucker!" Freeza seethed, floating out of the mile-deep hole he was kneed into. Veins were protruding from his forehead. He shouted, a bright purple aura flaring around him before he jetted toward the battle.


	5. Chapter 5

"Nrrggh!" Cooler grunted as he blocked a heavy kick from his opponent. "You're exceptionally powerful, aren't you? I'll just have to use a little more power, then, won't I?" He threw a kiai at the person, pushing them back as his aura radiated.

Watching from the ground below, Cold saw the brilliant blue-purple aura from Cooler growing larger in the sky. "He's powering up to 20—no, 50—percent!"

"Whoever he's facing must be incredibly powerful, then, right?" Krillin asked, still unable to sense what was going on. It was all muddled, like a group of skyscrapers all crashing together.

"Indubitably."

As Cooler finished his power-up, Freeza arrived, his aura telling the tale of irritation. "Ah, brother. Here to join in the slaughter of this fool?"

"You have no idea what's going on, do you?" asked their opponent.

"What do you mean?" asked Cooler. "I know exactly what's going on. We're about to kill you!"

"Not exactly," said the man. "While you're wasting your time with me, Milady Bulma is putting the finishing touches on her perfect creation. You'll never survive, no matter what you do."

"Perfect creation? You mean she's building something more powerful than herself?"

"Exactly, and no matter what you do to me or her, you will be erased from existence completely. Her perfect creation is absolutely perfect in every conceivable way. It's unstoppable."

"Enough talking! I'm going to destroy you!" Freeza bellowed, throwing a dozen Kienzans at the man.

"Not before I do!" Cooler hollered, creating a massive supernova and tossing it at the man.

Watching all of this take place, Goku and the other Zet Senshi wondered what the man was talking about. Was Bulma really creating something even stronger than herself? What was her plan? They had to find out.

Goku said loudly, "King Cold, can you and your sons handle this guy? We're gonna find Bulma and put an end to this chaos."

Cold sighed. "I suppose. But, Saiyan, after we're finished with all of this, don't forget that we have unfinished business."

"Right. Everyone hop on. I'm gonna teleport us right to Bulma."

"Goku, wait for me!"

Too late. Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, and Yamcha were gone. Krillin was left with the Cold family.

Ten men on horseback rode onto the scene, stopping in front of Krillin. They all were naked except for a green headband. The man in front pointed to Krillin but looked at King Cold.

"You know this bald-headed motherfucker?" he asked.

Cold held up his hands. "Nope, never seen him before. Didn't even notice he was here until you pointed him out."

The man signaled to his mates. "Get this racist piece of shit!"

"Whoa, what is going on here?" Krillin was at a loss for reason behind this attack. He didn't even know these men.

Each of them jumped off their horses and pounced on Krillin, forcing grapefruits down his throat while rabidly dry-humping him.

"I'm gonna teach you some manners, bitch! I'm gonna teach you to never call me the 'N' word again, you fruity ass no-nose having motherfucker!" the main perpetrator scolded, ripping Krillin's suit off. "Oink for me, boy!" He slapped Krillin's bare butt. "I said oink for me, bitch!"

Krillin let out a small oink.

"I can't hear you, son! OINK FOR ME, BOY!" The man drove his revolver into the rectum of the superhuman, delighted to hear the bald-headed man oinking like a psychotic pig. "Yeah, boy! That's it! Keep oinking! Come on, boys; show this racist pig how we do it in Ginger Town!"

_Meanwhile…_

"No, Piccolo!" Goku cried out as Piccolo was decapitated by Bulma. He turned Super Saiyan, trying to catch the pieces of his fallen friend, but Bulma zapped them to dust before he could reach them. "You cruel monster…How dare you!"

Bulma scoffed. "How dare I? How dare _you_! I used to think you were my friend, Goku!"

"I _was_ your friend! I still _can_ be, but you have to stop this madness now before it goes any further!"

"I'll rape you, Bulma!" Gohan let out a battle cry as he flung himself at Bulma, only to get his head swiftly kicked off by her. His body fell to the ground, twitching occasionally.

"Hey, I was supposed to do that," Goku said, walking up to Bulma and grabbing her by the waist. He pulled her close to him, the two locking lips. When they disengaged, they both turned their heads toward Yamcha, whose face had turned pale white. "Good show, wasn't it?"

"W-wh-w-wha-WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"You're such a tool, Yamcha," Bulma taunted. "You're totally useless. You couldn't even get hard for me when we were together. What good have you ever been for these guys, huh? You've always gotten in the way. You haven't ever defeated a bad guy, and Saibamen don't count. Face it, Yamcha. You're just the guy we kept around as a joke."

"Th-th-tha-that's not t-t-true!" Yamcha stammered, falling to his knees. "T-that's n-n-not true!"

"Don't feel so bad, buddy," Goku said softly. "Actually, yeah, you should feel pretty bad. You're even stupider than I am."

"He does try, though. I think for all of his effort, we should at least explain what's going on here." Her hand found its way to into Goku's pants, and he moaned slightly as she moved it around. "Goku here was in on it from the beginning. I had to kill him to take any away any possibility of him being suspected to know about this. I have to admit, he's a much better actor than I thought. He had every one of you idiots fooled, including the great King Kai!" She chortled loudly as she caressed Goku. "But as for the actual plan…It's funny that none of you ever wondered why I wanted the Dragon Balls in the first place."

Yamcha's mind paused. He felt even more foolish now. "That's what this is all about, then…?"

Goku groaned as Bulma finished her job. "YeeeAAHHHhhhh."

Bulma licked her hand clean and then slapped Yamcha with it. "Of course. What, did you think I was really creating some perfect being like Cell? Please, I wouldn't stoop to Gero's level. I can beat you all on my own."

"Then why do you need the Dragon Balls? Immortality?"

"Nope."

"More power?"

"Nope."

"I give up. I have no idea."

"Just like you've had no idea for years now. Anyway, I'm getting bored of you. Get the pineapples, Goku."


End file.
